Story Time at 12
About three years ago, the kiddo stopped letting me read to him. “Want me to read you a story?” was met with an eye roll, a sigh, and “No, mom. I’m too old for story time.”
This marked what I thought was the end of one of my favorite parenting rituals. His first several weeks of life, I would read Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s stone to him as he sat in his swing, mostly to keep myself sane. Then, we graduated to Dr. Seuss, Hairy MacLarey and Sandra Boynton. Chapter books followed in what seemed like a heartbeat – Three Tales of My Father’s Dragon, Harry Potter (for real, this time) and the Phantom Tollbooth. Stacks and stacks of library books every week would come home, and we would spend time every evening reading.
Now, the boy is 12. He is taller than I am, has a man-voice, and reads whatever he wants. Occasionally, I can talk him into reading at the same time I do, and we sit on the couch, share a bowl of fruit, and take turns yelling at the dog to stop barking. This time is cherished as well, but it isn’t the same.
Two nights ago, I was checking out Facebook’s “On this day” feature and an old blog popped up. I read it, laughing, because the story featured the kid, oh so many years ago.
“What’s funny, mom?”
“Oh just an old blog I was reading.”
“Yours? What’s it about”
(Laughing) “You – almost all of them are”
“Read it to me”
“Here, you can read it”
“No, read it TO me, please”
So I did. And continued to scroll through and regale him with little nuggets of his childhood. Until WAY too late at night, especially considering he had to be up at 7 am the next day. We strolled through the memories – things both of us had long forgotten, and with his newfound tween perspective, he was able to laugh at himself, and at me. He asked why I don’t blog anymore. I told him it was because he’s now older, and he and his friends are on the internet and I don’t want to embarrass him. He said I should do it anyway.
So here I am, starting again, mostly just recording memories so that perhaps, one summer night just before he leaves for college, we can take a trip down memory lane and find the forgotten things again.
Picture Day
Today is picture day at school. I have never been one to make the kid dress up for picture day, I figure if he wants to, great, if not, that’s OK, I’m gonna love him whether he’s in a suit or t-shirt, right? We’ve never really talked about it, I just ask him if there’s something special he wants to wear for picture day, he says no, and we get on with life. This is year six of picture day being a total non-issue at my house.
On the way to school, we pick up our carpool buddy, who looks *adorable* for picture day in her maxi skirt and pigtails. She looks at him, in his tie-dye t-shirt and shorts and here’s what follows:
Her: It’s PICTURE DAY! You FORGOT!
Him: No I didn’t.
Her: Then why are you wearing THAT? You’re supposed to dress up for picture day! It’s really important!
Him: I like it. And it’s not important, it’s just clothes.
Her: But this is the picture that will be in the yearbook! Everyone will remember you like this!
Him: Right… because this is how I always look. Why do I want people to remember me how I never looked?
Her: (sigh) You’re crazy.
Him: Yeah. I’m also comfortable. And I like what I’m wearing. You?
Her: My legs itch and my mom made me wear this. Plus my hair hurts.
Him: Sorry…
Her: Me too.
Steve’s Letter to Santa
Dear Santa,
The kid tells me you’re the guy to talk to about wishes. I don’t know a lot about Christmas because this is my first one. I don’t really get it – I’m not sure why they won’t let me eat those GIANT socks that are hanging up (LOOK at it – big and fuzzy and tasty!), or how a tree grew inside the living room (and what are those shiny things all over it, anyway?), but the kid says you can wish for things at Christmas, so here I am.
First of all, I hear there’s some kind of naughty/nice list. And I don’t know if you have one for dogs, but if you do, I *might* be on the naughty list… but I promise I can explain. See, even though I’m big, I’m really still just a puppy, which means there is so much stuff to learn. And a whole lotta “don’ts”.
“Don’t eat the socks, Steve.”
“Drop the Lego piece, Steve.”
“Your leash is not a chew toy, Steve.”
“Don’t take the cucumbers off the table, Steve.”
“Don’t jump up on people, even when you’re just crazy-happy to see them, Steve.”
See what I mean? How am I supposed to know these things? And they’re hard to remember. I mean, I know I’m not supposed to eat socks, or food off the table, but sometimes, my sniffer gets the better of me. So I’m thinking I should get a pass this year and still get a chance for a wish.
That’s where you come in, Santa. I would like to wish for someone of my own. I’m really not picky. Just someone who will give me food and water, let me live in their house, love me and play with me. Someone who will teach me how to follow all the rules, and use treats to do it. And maybe someone who wouldn’t mind so much if I sat on the couch.
I like having other dogs and/or a big kid to play with, but it’s not required. I really like walks when I remember that’s what the leash is for and not tug-of-war. I might even like to run or hike with someone if they can teach me how. I’m working really hard on this game the kid calls “fetch”, but sometimes it’s just so hard to give the ball back to the person, you know? I worry they won’t throw it again, and then I’ll be without the ball!
I know that lots of people wish for dogs, too, which is why I’m thinking you can help me out. But not everyone is the right person for me. For example,
“Dear Santa, please bring me a small, fluffy dog, that I can put in my purse and carry around.”
or…
“Dear Santa, I would like a calm, laid back dog to be in his crate all day when I’m at work and then sit on the couch with me and watch TV when I come home.”
won’t work.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I LOOOOOOVE couch-sitting and TV-watching. But I also need to run around and play. And although I *could* sit in my crate all day, it would make me very unhappy because I would miss my people so much. The purse thing is an absolute no-go, though, unless someone wants to tote 55 lbs or so around.
Here’s what someone wishing for me might write:
“Dear Santa, I wish for a dog. One with a big heart. He should be a decent size, and love to run and play outside. He doesn’t have to be perfectly behaved yet, as long as he tries hard, I will work with him patiently to help him get there. I would like him to be young, but not a tiny puppy – 9 months to a year is perfect. I want a happy dog, one who greets me enthusiastically every time I come home, whether it’s been 4 hours or 5 minutes. My perfect dog will snuggle with me after we play, want to ride in the car with me, make me laugh, and never get tired of being with me.”
Here’s the other thing. If I get my own people for Christmas, the kid and his mom can help another dog get their wish of a foster family. A dog who might be all alone and cold on the street, or one who is scared in the shelter. It’s a good gig here – warm bed, good food, lots of play-time, and I love the kid and his mom, but I think I’m ready to help some other people now. I know there are lots of people who need to be loved, and snuggled, and walked and played with for the next 10-15 years – surely at least one of them has wished for a dog like me. Won’t you please help me find them?
Love,
Rough Drafts
It’s no secret that the kid hates writing. He is more than happy to tell anyone who will listen that the act of putting pen (or pencil) to paper with the goal of producing WORDS is one of his personal levels of hell. OK, he doesn’t actually say that, but if he knew what it meant, believe me, he would.
Well, he’s in 3rd grade now. The big time. Standardized tests, independent reading and… LOTS of writing. (“LOTS of writing”, in his opinion, is anything more than “no writing”.)
He came home the other day muttering. I could pick out the words “stupid”, “mean”, “terrible” and “writing”.
(please pause with me as I heave a big sigh, roll my eyes and put on my “good-mom” face.)
“Heeeyyyyy, Buddy! What’s going on?” was greeted with a whole slew of words, many of them the ones I already mentioned, but boiling down to the fact that he had to write a rough draft for a story.
With my “good-mom” face on, I sat down with him and explained the merits and virtues of rough draft writing. How it helps you plan out your ideas, see if your writing flows well and gives you an idea of how everything fits together. Rough drafts are an important tool for exploring your writing and an avenue to test things that may or may not make it into the final product. They are beneficial and help create a more solid finished story.
He totally didn’t buy it.
Perhaps that’s because behind my “good-mom” face, he caught a glimpse of my “total-hypocrite” face. What I didn’t tell him was this: In college, I failed music history… because I refused to do a rough draft. I turned in my final paper (which, incidentally, got an “A”) but never turned in a rough draft because I didn’t write one. The professor insisted I needed one to complete the assignment, and I argued that if I could turn in an “A” paper without it, I shouldn’t need to go BACK and write one. Obviously, she disagreed, I still refused out of principle, and was rewarded with an “Incomplete”, which later changed to an “F”.
So as he slouched off muttering some more with the addition of, “I don’t know why moms and teachers always have to be on the same side, especially when it’s the WRONG side,” I smiled, briefly considered calling him back to tell my story, then decided to write this blog instead. With no rough draft.
Fetch!
Benny has finally learned to fetch! Sort of…
My childhood dog, Brandy, could fetch. It was more of a scramble-after-the-ball-since-your-feet-don’t-work-on-the-kitchen-floor kind of situation, but he went after it enthusiastically and came back with the ball eventually, all ready to do it again, seemingly forgetting the slippery floor.
The first dog I had as an adult, Maxie, could fetch. She LOVED it. So much, in fact, that I got her one of those automatic tennis ball throwers, and taught her to return the ball to it so it would throw it again.
Sasha will fetch… if you make her. If you throw a ball or a toy and tell her to fetch, she will saunter after it, pick it up, and bring it back to you. About three times. Then she’s done and just wants to lay down and chew it. I can almost see her sighing and rolling her eyes as she performs the tedious duty of play.
But Benny? We’ve had him almost 6 months, and not a glimmer of desire to fetch. In fact, he won’t even play with toys in the house. He will, however, take toys (and non-toys, such as shoes, cloth grocery bags and board games) out to the yard and “play with” (destroy) them. But if you throw a toy into the yard, he looks at it… looks at you… looks at it… looks at you… then goes and digs a hole. Or barks at the dogs next door. Or takes a nap. You can throw a toy into the yard, and he will go after it, but he won’t bring it back. So really, that’s just you throwing a toy into the yard, and to be honest, not that much fun.
Tonight, though, he fetched by accident. I was standing on the deck stairs and tossed his stuffed duck up onto the deck, just to get it out of the dirt. The deck, in Benny-world, must count as outdoors, because he bouncy-bounced after it, then turned around to take it back to the yard (where he thinks it belongs), but I intercepted him on the stairs and enthusiastically informed him that he was SUCH A GOOD BOY and threw the duck again. Again… bouncy bounce… pounce… head for the stairs, intercepted, GOOD FETCH! After a few more tries, I moved to the doorway and threw it into the house. More success! More enthusiastic praise! And then, I moved halfway to the living room. Toss… bouncy bounce… pounce… she’s not blocking the door!! RUN! He dashed past me out the back door into the yard, and dropped the duck.
“Benny! Bring me the duck!”
He looks at it… looks at me… looks at it… looks at me… then goes and digs a hole.
Unsolicited advice to charitable organizations
Disclaimer: I have absolutely no qualifications to be giving advice to ANYBODY, much less charitable organizations. This is merely the story of two very different experiences and my thoughts on the results.
Background
When the kid turned five, he started getting an allowance. It was split into four categories – spend, save, invest and donate. Now like every good parent trying to teach their children fiscal responsibility, I kept forgetting to actually give him his allowance, thus only teaching him that his mother is forgetful. I tried again the next year, this time with much more success (partly because, at the ripe old age of six, he had discovered that money was useful and he was pretty consistent about reminding me to give him his allowance). As a result, by the next December, he had built up enough in his donation jar to choose a charity. A kid’s choices for charitable organizations are pretty predictable – help other kids or help animals. His original choice was to help kids, and he even had a particular place in mind.
Charitable organization #1, AKA “How to Lose Donations”
I went to the web site of the place he had chosen, looked up the appropriate contact information, found their donation page and checked out their extensive donation wish list. I sent an email to the address listed asking if there was anything they particularly needed, explaining that my six-year-old son had saved up some money and wanted to purchase some things for donations.
No Response.
That’s OK, I work in cyberspace, so I know things can get lost/overlooked/accidentally deleted. I also know that sometimes when trying to make donations, you are working with volunteers and time can be tight. Three days later, I forwarded the first email, with a nice note at the top, basically saying I know things happen and wanted to be sure they received my email since I hadn’t heard anything.
No Response.
Hmm. Perhaps they are experiencing technical difficulties. A week later, I call the number listed on the web site and left a voice mail letting them know I had been unable to reach them by email and what we were trying to do.
No Response.
Deep breath. It’s now nearing the holidays, so perhaps they’re short-staffed because people are out of town. Maybe there has been a misunderstanding. I call again, leave another voice mail, letting them know I wanted to follow up on my two emails and previous voice mail.
No response.
While all this is going on, I have a six-year-old boy asking me daily, “Mommy, when can we go spend my donation money on things for the kids?”
Now I’m stuck with trying to explain to the kid that this organization doesn’t seem to need his donations. How’s THAT for a life experience? Fortunately, he’s fairly resilient about some things, and this turned out to be one of them. He thought about it and said he wanted to “help the homeless animals” instead.
Charitable Organization #2, AKA How To Gain Life-Long Supporters
As fate would have it, shortly after this, I saw the Greater Charlotte SPCA in a news report. After checking them out through Guidestar to be sure they were on the up-and-up, I sent an email to let them know that my kid wanted to donate some things and asked if we could come meet them at their adoption event that Saturday. You know what? Within 24 hours, I received not one, but two very kind emails. One answering my questions and inviting us to their event, and the other letting me know how touched they were and telling me that there would be lots of small puppies that they were sure the kid would like to play with, AND they complimented my parenting! That’s exponentially better than no response.
That Saturday, we went to the adoption event. Everyone was incredibly nice to the kid, they even let him get in the puppy pen and play with the puppies. He met all the adoptable dogs and declared that this was *his* rescue and these were the dogs he was going to help. A few weeks later, we returned with as many toys, collars, leashes and beds his little savings could buy and his donations were received warmly and genuinely by pretty much every volunteer there. A few weeks later, we were even emailed pictures of the foster dogs enjoying the gifts he had given.
The Greater Charlotte SPCA has been so welcoming and wonderful to us – they let us come out for a few hours each Saturday to help at the adoption events. They ALWAYS thank the kid, and he is so proud of the work he does to help the animals. Now, he’s seven, so some weeks he’s more helpful than others, but every time I ask if he wants to go help the dogs, he does. Last month, he made his second donation – he chose to give cash this time, since they have recently had some dogs with serious medical issues and their emergency vet fund is in need of help. We have met so many wonderful dogs (and people!), and they don’t know it, but they have, in turn, given the kid an amazing place to learn how anyone, even a seven-year-old, can make a difference.